Not Braggin', Just Sayin': A Straight Man's Truth About Living with HIV/AIDS

Breaking the silence for the invisible ones: heterosexual men living with HIV.

By Bob Bowers | aka One Tough Pirate

I’m a heterosexual living with HIV.

Not braggin’, just sayin’.

Forty-two-plus years into this journey, and I’m still running into the same tired assumption—that HIV is a “gay disease.” Still watching guys like me get looked at sideways, dismissed, or left out of the conversation altogether.

Let me be clear: I’m not here to compete with anyone’s struggle. But I am here to speak truth. Because when you’re a straight man living with HIV, you experience a specific kind of stigma that’s real, harmful, and almost always unspoken.

We’re made to feel invisible.
Outside the HIV/AIDS community, we’re hit with ignorant questions like, “How’d you get it?”
Inside the HIV/AIDS community, we’re often overlooked in campaigns, support groups, funding priorities, and outreach.

Too straight for the HIV world.
Too HIV-positive for the straight world.
Just stuck in-between, trying to survive.

It’s not who you are—it’s what you do that puts you at risk for HIV. That’s the truth I’ve been shouting for decades, and yet people still look confused when a heterosexual man stands up and says, “I’m positive too.”

This silence is deadly. Literally.
There are straight men out there—newly diagnosed, scared, ashamed—who don’t know where to go. They don’t see themselves in the messaging. They don’t feel welcome in the spaces built for support. And because of that, some of them never get the care they need.

That’s not just stigma—that’s systemic failure.
And I’m calling it out.

We talk about inclusion, but that talk has to mean something. Just like women living with HIV have had to fight for visibility, so do straight men. We’re not some random footnote in this epidemic. We’ve been here. We’ve been dying too. We’ve also been surviving—and we’ve got stories that matter.

Let’s talk healthcare.
I’ve been blessed at times with great care—and I’ve also had to claw my way through red tape, ignorance, and disrespect to get it. I’ve sat in ERs where they didn’t take me seriously. I’ve had providers make assumptions, delay treatments, or simply not listen. That’s the reality for too many of us.

And when we do get help, we’re not always told what we need to hear most:

U=U.
Undetectable = Untransmittable.

If you're on effective treatment and your viral load is undetectable, you cannot transmit HIV to your partner. That’s not just hope—that’s science.

You can still date.
Still fall in love.
Still get married.
Still have kids.
Still live a full, beautiful, powerful life.

But how the hell can someone believe that if nobody’s telling them?

This is where HIV/AIDS organizations need to step the hell up.

It’s their responsibility to include all of us—not just in words, but in action, imagery, outreach, and leadership. If your campaign only shows one version of this epidemic, it’s incomplete. If your services only feel safe for one kind of person, they’re inadequate. Period.

Visibility saves lives. And people like me—like us—need to be seen.

So yeah, I’m a hetero living with HIV.
Not braggin’, just sayin’.

I’ve lived this fight for over four decades. I’ve carried the stigma, the pain, the meds, and the weight. And I’ve never stopped speaking out—not just for myself, but for the guy out there right now who thinks he’s all alone.

He’s not.
And neither are you.

To any straight man out there living with HIV—maybe hiding, maybe struggling, or just trying to understand it all—I see you.

You’re still a man.
You’re still worthy.
You’re still here.
And I’m right here with you.

LET’S. F’N. GO.

Never surrender. Never forget.

To be continued… 🙏

www.onetoughpirate.com

🎧 Nobody praying for me?
Cool. I got my own fire.
I’m the ember that'll burn the whole damn stigma down. 🎧

Soundtrack: “Nobody Praying for Me” – Seether

Stay tuned for The True Tale of One Tough Pirate and The Gospel According to One Tough Pirate—coming soon.

For more truth, fire, and straight-up lived experience.
➡️ onetoughpirate.substack.com